And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day....................

......................Well - not quite, but thanks to my friend Lynne, i sat and listened to the words of the Fairy Tale of New York. I'd never really listened before - it was always a song that came on tv and the radio this time of year and that was it.

I've always liked Christmas. Even more now that i have kids and that Peter's birthday is 5 days after the "day". For a number of years after Matthew and i got married, we divided our time between our parent's homes - on Christmas and boxing days.
But as the kids got older, Matthew's mum died and we moved house, Christmas Day was spent at our house. It was nice to 1)have the space to invite the family over and 2) have enough money to ensure the festivities went well. We usually chipped in with food and drink and as long as i'd made my trifle, the kids and my dad were usually happy.
But it wasn't till recemtly that i realised how much stress i put myself under - the house had to be pefect - my mother would not accept anything less. The food ditto.
Brother and sister were the same, not taking into account i had 3 children and a hubbie and all that comes with that. I loved my Dad being over and to be honest, he'd have been happy with bowl of soup and a cup of tea. But demands were made from others. Throw in Peter's birthday and them wanting to be entertained, i'm surprised i didn't flip

Thankfully, i have a loving hubie and 3 great kids who didn't see fit to either chuck me and the others out , or leave in total disgust at certain attitudes.
Was a close call at times tho!!

Time goes on and since my parents died, i find that there are people i want to be locked in the same house as over the festive season, turkey, tinsel, crap telly, dodgy pressies and all!! Funnily enough, dodgy pressies seem to be a thing of the past over recent years!! (coincides with the lack of brothers and sisters coming to dinner!!)

THere are also some folk that i should not be in the same universe as. In fact, there should be at least a minimum of at least 3 universes between us to ensure nothing bad happens and i don't get locked in a jail!!!

All bets are off when you try to think of who i mean!!!
I'd still love my dad to be here. Louise said this morning that she misses me doing my trifle, but she doesn't miss me being grumpy mum for the whole holidays.

So that brings us back to the Shane and Kirsty song.
Dreams.
Before Peter was diagnosed, like any other parent, i had dreams of what he might do. You know, footie, go to college or Uni, whatever. I remember those dreams being royally jumped up and down on and smashed to bits by several doctors. I didn't let myself dream about anything else "just in case" something happened to smash them to pieces - again.

But the years came and went and it was time to maybe have some dreams - not the same ones - but ones that would mean more to us. Could we really afford that move to a bigger house (we did, and it's now ours, lock stock and garden gates!!)
Could we really afford that PC - we could if we saved or money. (and here we are 10 years later on to 2nd pc and have 2 laptops!!)
MMmm-what about a holiday??? Disney in Paris was mentioned. Maybe, if we saved.
Well again, several years later, we have ben to Disney at least 6 times, been to the US, Spain, London, Skye and a few places in between.

Like the song says ........................ I can see a better time when maybe dreams come true.

Yes, some of the dreams we had went outta the window. But you know what - i can't remember what those dreams were now, so they can't have been too important.
I didn't think we'd get near Peter's 21st birthday, never mind be going off to Disney in Paris to celebrate.
Hey - foul - i never got anything like that for MY birthday!!!

But then, i did get Barcelona for my 25th wedding anniversary, so i suppose i shouldn't grumble. (but i will - till i win the lottery and i can go on a massive shopping spree in New York and Matthew and the boys can carry the bags for me and Louise!!!)

It's ok for dreams to change - i'd be more worried if they didn't. I just want my family to be happy and healthy. And have a job that will pay the bills. Anything extra is a bonus.

Some people wonder why i've ditched some folk from my life - my choice, my rules and i have to live with it. But all i can say is that i'm happy and those who know and care about me understand why certain people have been chucked outta the boat. As for the others, well they don't matter. it's taken me a long time to get to this stage, but i'm happy. The Kafflick guilt that is rife in  these parts has been bashed down and asked not to surface too often - had enough of that in my life!!

So here i am at almost the end of another year. I have bags to finish packing and things to make sure we have. But the dreams that are important are still here.

Thanks to the people who have helped me along the way - Lynne and Linda, you're a couple of them.

Here's to a New Year and maybe some new dreams!!